Remodeling a Home!

I do not know of any project that takes more patience, flexibility and ultimately – humor than remodeling an old house!

It’s been a while since my last Blog entry. My husband and I were busy finding a new home. First, we made a serious effort to leave the desert of southern NM and to settle in cool Oregon. For various reasons, however, we had to change our plans. Instead of moving to another state, we bought an old farmhouse here in Deming, NM.
It is - how real estate agents like to put it – a “project home.” Actually, it is a huge project!

The brick walls and the roof are in great shape. It also came with a nice kitchen with wooden cabinets. The tiled floors are okay, too. But other than that, almost everything else has to be replaced: The waterlines, the sewer lines, the insulation, the interior walls, every window, every exterior and interior door, the wooden floors, the bathroom, etc.

My husband with his extensive background as a contractor rolls up his sleeves and gets to work. He has a clear idea about each step, each task, the tools needed, and, moreover, the time it will take.

I, on the other side, have never put my time into a project like this. Despite best intentions to stay calm, impatience and the desire to get things done ASAP easily surface.

The other day, I was sanding the old claw foot bathtub to remove the paint. I did not want to use the highly toxic paint stripper and thought I’d be okay with the slow process of sanding. I made an interesting discovery: The less patient I was, the less paint the sander seemed to be able to remove! But when I let go of any expectation and settled into the gliding motion of the vibrating tool in my hand, I could see the tiny specks of old paint disappearing.

Similarly, I needed to remove old fencing material with which the previous owners had set apart a kind of “garden.” I had planned to be finished within half a day. Instead, it took two days. First I got mad with the relentless sun that made working outside (even at the end of September) almost impossible. Then I surrendered and began to enjoy the tug-of-war between me and the fiercely anchored wire fence. It felt good to use muscles of which I did not even know that they existed!

There are so many opportunities to let go - of a schedule, of an idea, of a plan.
Meanwhile it is fun to change plans on an almost daily basis.

Well, tomorrow I want to get back to my sander. But maybe I need to help my husband “fishing” the new waterline under the house, or cutting the last piece of plywood for the bathroom floor.
Who knows?

Remodeling a house also provides many opportunities to develop new skills.
Next weekend, I would like to fill the post holes for the fence with cement. I have never mixed cement and worked with it. I am curious and looking forward to a new experience. And I am planning on staying calm in case I should not be able to get all the holes filled on one day.

But who knows?
Maybe I get impatient again.

It's a roller coaster ride. It's a reflection of life.

Meditate on the First Flowers!

Here in the desert of southern New Mexico, the arrival of the first flowers in spring is a very special moment.

The little yellow flowers, here called "Poppies," are one of very few species who can make this barren and dry land their home - at least for a few precious weeks.

Initially, it's just one yellow spot. The little flower opens to the sun and at sunset, it closes for the night.

A few days later, it is joined by other poppies, and together they form a small patch. Soon, the desert floor is dotted with several yellow-orange patches.

It fills my heart with sheer delight to just glance at them on my way from the driveway to the house.

I have not planted them.
I have not watered them.
I have not prepared the soil in any way.

Yet, here they are:
Messengers from a wonderful and eternal rhythm.
And I am invited to participate with a joyful and humble heart.

What are the first flowers in your area?
What do they tell you?

Here is an insightful quote from Brother David Steindl-Rast:

A single crocus blossom ought to be enough
to convince our heart
that springtime,
no matter how predictable,
is somehow
a gift, gratuitous, gratis, a grace.

Brother David Steindl-Rast has a wonderful website that you find at: http://www.gratefulness.org/index.htm

Play!

Feeling stressed out can be the result of several scenarios:

1. You have more to do than you can handle.

2. Your energy level is so low that even normal tasks seem overwhelming.

3. Your whole day and the entire week consist of work. Even an outing with friends has become an item on your to-do list.

These scenarios are, of course, interconnected. Having too much on the plate and making no time for leisure often result in a drop in energy. A low energy level often results in working harder and enjoying life less.

My former friend Barbara, for example, was a full-time nurse at a large hospital for paraplegics in Hamburg, Germany. She also attended courses at the university. On rare occasions, we met for walks over the mudflats at ebb. Back on shore, she usually exclaimed, “Now I can place a checkmark behind it!” - The walks with me, the visits of the movie theaters, the hours at the cafés had mutated into chores!
What I remember mostly about her is her constant sense of utterly being stressed and her propensity to developing skin diseases.

We need to make time for mere play and fun. Not once in a while, but regularly. We need play time not only at the age of four, but also at the age of 40 and 80!

I remember my training in psychooncology with Dr. Carl Simonton. He taught us that helping a cancer patient to set up a plan for getting well needs to include time for play and fun.

I am not talking about getting an ATV or a sailboat and, by no means, I am thinking of TV.

My father was an artist who could barely provide for his family. We did not have a TV set or any other fancy gadget. My fondest memories are those of our Saturday evenings when we gathered around the kitchen table to play Chinese checker or other board games until deep into the night. There was hardly another time when I felt so light-hearted and carefree.

Unfortunately, nowadays the TV dominates the evenings, deadens family communication, and replaces story telling and play.

Do yourself a favor and get those games out of the closet! Bring your family together or have friends coming over and - play again!

When choosing a game, there are several features to consider:

• Some games make you more interact with each other than others! If – and when – you get your figures home with Chinese checker, for example, depends highly on the other players’ moves. With Yahtzee on the other hand, you basically play for yourself, rolling the dice in hopes to reach a higher score than the rest at the table.

• Some games can be played only with two people; others are more fun for a larger group. If, for example, it’s just you and your spouse, you may get bored with a game like Uno that is designed for more players. Monopoly, too, is more fun when played in a larger group.

• Strategic games like chess or Pentago require thinking and concentration; with others, only luck determines the winner. Losing a strategic game may strike your ego to a higher degree than losing in Chinese checker!

Games are not only fun but they also can teach us some things about life:

• Everybody wins sometimes and loses sometimes.
• The outcome of our actions depends highly on other peoples’ actions.
• We all are interconnected.
• Laughing at our need to control and kissing it good bye is a great way to de-stress life.

Remember: We do not live to work, but we work to live!