To-Do Lists Are Treacherous

I admit that for many years I am a passionate writer of to-do lists. At times, my day does not feel complete without having written a new list; at other times, however, I curse at them.

Clearly, to-do lists have advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages:

• They lighten the burden for our anyway overtaxed memory
  
• They help us remember appointments and important dates such as birthdays and anniversaries
  
• Inspirations (such as, "I'd better acknowledge this email!") don't get lost in the myriad of the bigger and smaller things that burden our memory
  
• They help set goals, plan, and stay on track
  
• They provide a sense of control
• They provide a sense of accomplishment
  

Disadvantages:

• They can be a source of deep frustration if we do not get everything on our list done
• They can make us feel as if our whole life is planned out, especially if we write lists way in advance
  
• They can reinforce any compulsiveness in us and stifle spontaneity
  ("I don't have time to meet you for coffee; I still have five items on my to-do list to work off.")

How to get the advantages without falling victim to the perils of writing to-do lists?

• Write your list with a calm mind. If you are anxious, you may list too many items and set yourself up for frustration.
• Prioritize: First things first. Don't put "buying ice cream" on top of the list if it is not really the most important chore of the day.
• You may place things on the list that you do anyway like "checking emails." It may make you feel good when you can check it off. On the other hand, listing these chores may make your list overwhelmingly long.
• Don't put everything you can think of on tomorrow's list. Instead, write some down on a list for later days.
• Distinguish between daily, weekly and monthly lists. The most detailed list is the one for the next days. The further away a time period the less detailed the list should be.
  
• Categorize the items on the list. Use, for example, "personal," "business," "emails," 'phone calls," ect.
  
• Always calculate buffer time. This may be just an hour, a day or a week. This way, you leave space for any spontaneous invitation, unforeseen opportunities or any other changes in the course of events you may have to - or want to - succumb to.
• Regard your list as suggestions you have given to yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't look at the list as an assignment that needs to be completed; otherwise you will feel a complete failure.
  
• Allow yourself the freedom to re-write the list and to adjust it.
• By no means, write a list for holidays and vacation time. If you do, shred it!
• Give yourself a reprieve every once in a while and live list-free!
  

Always remember: The value of you as a human being is not dependent on the amount of check marks on your to-do lists and not on your accomplishments!

Don't live to work. Work to live and - to play!

Relaxation is less a matter of technique . . .

. . . than of self-worth.

In my classes, I regularly ask participants how they relax.

Very few answer that they watch TV or read the newspaper for relaxation purposes. My usual response is that these pastimes are distraction and not relaxation.
Most participants, however, relax by spending an hour in the bathtub, by sitting in the garden, by having a massage, by drinking a cup of tea while watching the clouds, by spending fifteen minutes in their favorite restorative yoga pose, or by listening to Chopin.

Most of us do know how to relax deeply. A variety of methods and techniques is easily available; in-depth information on the health benefits is readily accessible.

Yet, do we take time for relaxation on a daily basis?

We brush our teeth, we check emails, we watch the news, we run errands, we do the dishes, and we scan the mail. But what about the time we wanted to take just for ourselves?

Has our life mutated into a to-do list and anything else takes precedence over us?
Can we give ourselves permission to rest only after every item on this list has a check mark?
Does our self-worth depend on our accomplishments?

Our society applauds us for accomplishments and asks us to “work hard” which means, “to work a lot” and, consequently, against our biorhythm. If we follow this paradigm obediently, relaxation will just be another item on the to-do list and the first we skip when time gets short.

The question, “How do you relax and how often,” points to the very center of our self-concept. Are we the sum of our accomplishments or the expression of a creative force that does neither begin nor end with us?

Later more.
Have a nice day!